Monthly Archives: November 2012

Memoirs Of The Walking Dead: A Story From The Zombies Point Of View By Jason McKinney

When the dead walk the Earth, how will they survive? That’s a question that I have a hard time answering. When Mr. Rierson, Paul to his friends and family, “asked” me to write about his experiences I couldn’t really refuse. He and I have known each other for longer than I care to remember and in that I time I’ve come to know a sensitive, caring ghoul. These written experiences will not only help the public at large to learn about their undead neighbours’ unlives, but also what it was like for them at the onset of their “sickness”.

Mr. Rierson wanted to convey that the hardships of a “living impaired” person are just as trying as that of a “living capable person”. He hopes will help readers understand that they truly mean you, the living, no harm.

Gee, for the first time since I started doing these reviews, I’m not sure how I’m going to rate this novel. The premise was great, but the flaws in the novel are too many to state all of them here. There isn’t enough time or space. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the story. I just have so much angst about what score to give it.

Paul Rierson is just another normal guy–he goes to work, has problems with the opposite sex and loves his cat, Charlotte. When he contracts the Pelican Flu, he, and pretty much everyone else, become zombies.

Paul does what he can to survive. He even meets a woman named Tracey and begins a relationship with her. They help each other, fight, and they even give the reader a smidgen of sexual tension. Even they have a relationship fraught with turmoil and regrets.

When the US Army becomes the USZA (United States Zombified Army), Paul decides to join. After all, he was a former Navy officer. Paul is helpful to others who deserve it, ruthless to those who don’t. He rescues a very scared little puppy that was about to be eaten by its owners. Paul saves his elderly neighbour, Mrs. MacGruder, by telling her that the government is going to gas the city and that she should think about leaving town since she is still human. In turn, Paul is helped by several people, including Tracey. As with most people in life, if you were nice as a human, you remained so as a zombie. And vice versa.

Can Paul and the other zombies survive in a world that wants them all destroyed? You’ll have to read this one to find out.

As I said before, I did enjoy this book…

But…

As a story by itself, I would give this novel at least a 4 or 5. I did laugh in a few places since the author did describe things that were happening quite well.

But…

There were so many problems with it. Oh, where do I start?

The editing of this novel is basically non-existent. If it was edited, then said editor should be fired and the author should get his money back. Grammatical errors, spelling errors and missing and misplaced words all make for a very distracting time reading this novel. For example, even in the blurb I gave at the top has a mistake in it. Here are some more examples.

1. “Tony? He’s name’s Mike and he’s been,” I paused.

2. I looked down the hall and saw Ms. MacGruder, watching through a crack her in chained door.

I’d like to mention here that I found Ms. MacGruder, Mrs. MacGruder (The right name?), Mrs. Macgruder and Miss MacGruder throughout the book…no lie. So, which one is it?

3. Numerous spelling mistakes like this: She jumped on me, kneeing me in the groan before falling off the bed. Then there are the common spelling mistakes that so many people make like loose/lose and breath/breathe…oh, and lets not forget duck tape–I thought it was duct tape.

4. The human telling the zombie’s story makes appearances throughout the novel when he thinks that Paul isn’t looking/watching, to tell everyone that he wished he was somewhere else. At times though, I would get confused as to whether the zombie was telling the human this story so that the human could type it out or whether the human was with them as they traveled from place to place. That never seemed to be very clear.

I think the memoir would have been better if the human had not put in his 2 cents worth. It was just way too confusing.

So, what do I rate this book?

I’ve seen novels that only had a few editing errors in the whole book and got low ratings for such, and yet this novel has errors literally on every single page but still has 5 star reviews. As a reviewer, I can read past a few errors as if they weren’t even there. But this book just had too many to even count.

If you think you can get past all the grammatical and spelling errors and the missing and misplaced words, then you might like this book

Do I think this book is a 5? No, the editing is non-existent. Do I think it deserves a 1? No, it was a pretty good story. But even giving it a 3 rating doesn’t seem fair and yet, seems to be too much.

So, what rating will I give it?

I think I will leave this one unrated. For the first time ever, I can’t decide.

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How To Love A Princess By Claire Robyns

Deciding they’d procrastinated enough, Nicolas swung her into his arms and carried her to the door. When he put her down, he claimed another lingering kiss before turning his attention on the sturdy door. “I need something to pick this with.”

“Maybe in the Land Rover?” she suggested.

His gaze returned to her. “I’ll be back. Don’t go anywhere.”

Her heart leapt at the vulnerability in his eyes, in his voice, as if he was in no way certain that she wouldn’t disappear the second he turned his back.

“I won’t,” she assured him, at once aware of just how badly her leaving had effected him. Of course it had, she just hadn’t given it proper thought. He radiated such power, authority and confidence, it was impossible to imagine anything existed that he could not defeat. But he’d slipped down to the corner shop one morning and returned to find her gone. Not only gone, but dead. That would shake the foundations of a mountain.

This novel was a contemporary romance set over the last four years.

Nicolas was in love. In love with a beautiful young girl named Catherine, he called his cucciola, or little one. She was as much in love with him as he was with her. But then she gets some news that changes everything.

She runs away from Nicolas because she has to, not because she wants to. Yet, there seemed to be no other alternative. He sees her get on a boat which ended up exploding. He was sure that she was dead.

Four years later, Catherine’s mother is very ill and the only one who might be able to help her (because no other doctor has been able to) is Nicolas. He is a medical researcher and is summoned to help. What he doesn’t know is that Catherine is a princess and that she lives in a castle. What he also didn’t know is that Catherine is still very much alive.

Catherine received some very terrible news concerning the deaths of her brothers. Upon hearing the news, she knew what she had to do. She had to runaway back to her Princess life, never to look back. But when they see each other again, old feelings are remembered and rekindled…even if they didn’t see eye-to-eye.

Nicolas figures out that Catherine’s mother, the Queen, has been poisoned. Now they just have to figure out who/what is poisoning the Queen, but it seems they can never agree on anything.

Was the Queen poisoned and why would someone wish to do that to her? Can Nicolas and Catherine ever be able to get along long enough to see to her mother’s health? Will their meeting ever bring about the love they both crave? You’ll have to read this one to find out.

And, it seemed they were constantly fighting about something…differing opinions about what was best for the kingdom, the people and for themselves. Yet, when they worked together, they were a great team.

I liked this book…and I didn’t. I loved the storyline–but…well, there were things about the book that I really didn’t like. The names, for instance, of some of the characters. All the names of secondary characters all had these weird “fantasy-type” names…Gascon was the bodyguard of the princess, Claustaud was the cook, Serge the butler-type guy…Erling her secretary of sorts…Joannal, Servuis, Changelle–I just didn’t like any of these names, especially when the rest of the characters (Nicolas, Catherine and Helene (the Queen)) were normal type names. Not that it took away from the story, as a personal preference, I didn’t care for them.

Also, there were some editing problems with the story…missing words and misspelled words, like the word in the entry at the top. I think the author should have written ‘affected’, not ‘effected’. It did distract me away from the story.

All in all, this was a good story. Tons of sexual tension (which I like) and a pretty good storyline. I would just change the names of those characters to names people can pronounce and get some better editing.

I give this book 4 stars because I did like it.

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The Ghost Of Squire House By Joanne Pence

He paced back and forth, arms folded. “I suppose I should be frank and admit it was not just for your sake I got rid of him. I know his type. Get him around a woman and he’d pant and slobber until the two ended up rolling about in bed. Quite frankly, such a scene would have been revolting to me beyond all endurance. I really had to spare myself.”

She saw red. “What nerve!” she shrieked–and Jennifer Barrett had never before shrieked in her life–but this man was intolerable.

Making his voice louder, Paul continued. “But then, you became rather pleasant. You were doing a fine job making Squire House your home. I did approve. Even your giddy friend Sue was somewhat acceptable. That man Ross was not, but that could have been easily taken care of.”

Jennifer had to sit. Her legs could no longer support her.

I’ve been reading a lot of ghost stories lately and I thought I would like this one since it was a romance.

Jennifer Barrett was always told by her mother that she was never good enough for anything. Her mother would tell her that she wasn’t a good violin player and that she wasn’t beautiful, or smart enough. But she loved her mother even if she had never been told that back in return.

When her mother becomes ill and passes away, Jennifer is left a house far up the coast in a small little town that she had never even heard of. She decides to visit the old house. What she finds is a house overlooking the ocean, a seaside house full of promise and stories. Oh, and one other thing–a ghost.

The house had been boarded up for years and previous tenants of the house had run away screaming, never to return. But when Jennifer gets to the house, she finds it warm and inviting. She decides to move to the quaint house on the cliff.

What she doesn’t know is that the owner of the house, Paul Squire, still resides there. She smells his presence when he has been smoking his pipe, and a book that she had put away was now lying a different way then the way she had put it back on the shelf.

When her friend Sue comes for a visit from San Francisco, they go for a walk where they meet a man named Ross. While back at Jennifer’s house, they visit the attic where they find some old paintings that had been painted by Paul. One of the paintings is of a woman that resembles Jennifer. Sue and Ross are amazed at how much she looks like Jennifer, but she refuses to believe it.

She knows she isn’t alone but when Paul decides to “show” himself to her, she is a little taken aback, thinking that someone had broken into her home. He argues with her that this was his home, not hers.

Many a quarrel ensues between Jennifer and Paul, and many times Paul becomes so upset that he leaves the house, leaving her alone, refusing to show himself. Jennifer actually begins to miss him when he leaves her.

At Thanksgiving, she invites the lawyer, Sue, her boyfriend Brent and Ross to her house for a meal. She adamently made Paul promise that he wouldn’t do anything that might frighten everyone. When Sue is still in bed, Brent tries to kiss Jennifer. Of course, Paul sees this and leaves her alone again.

Can a human love a ghost? Can a ghost love a human? You’ll have to read this one to find out.

I was a little disappointed in this book actually. The writing was mediocre at best, and I found myself tending to skip ahead a few paragraphs to find out what was going to happen next instead of reading through every word like a good book would make you. I found myself wishing that something would happen between Paul and Jennifer, but I was just left wanting. I think what was lacking in this book was a good dose (or doses) of sexual tension. There was none.

Also, since the writing was mediocre, I found myself dwelling on the editing errors in it, disrupting the flow of the novel with each spelling error. I just think that the novel could have been better.

I give this book 2 stars.

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The Ghost Exterminator By Vivi Andrews

The Episodes, as he had come to think of them, began the morning the first construction team had set foot on the premises. After the seventh team walked off the job, he had been forced to admit that there might be some problems with the house that couldn’t be solved with new pipes and a fresh coat of paint. His secretary’s suggestion to bring in the consulting firm–ridiculous as it had seemed after the Erupting Toilet Episode–had become his last, best hope by the time the Exploding Furnace Episode had sent the ninth, and final, contractor storming off the site.

Wyatt glared at the mockingly perfect Victorian, convinced irrationally or not, that it was glaring back at him.

“Dude. That house hates you.”

This book was a fun, light read when most paranormal novels aren’t. I found myself drawn to this book and I had a hard time putting it down. Plus, I love a great ghost story since I have one of my own.

Wyatt Haines is a man who believes in everything business and nothing that has to do with personal or pleasure…and definitely not ghosts. But, Wyatt has a problem…a big problem. His house is haunted–very haunted.

Jo Banks is a medium who works for Karmic Consultants as a Ghost Exterminator. When she gets to Wyatt’s house, she can see that his house is pulsing with ghostly activitity…even though he doesn’t believe in ghosts. But because the “Episodes” are making renovations next to impossible and delaying the opening of the Inn, he concedes to allow Jo to do her job…even though he doesn’t believe.

Jo usually “exterminates” the ghosts by herself, but Wyatt won’t let her into the house by herself because it’s “his” house. While doing her job, Jo uses her second sight to open a portal for which the ghosts to go through. While doing so, she his thrown to the floor by the force of the ghosts. When Wyatt sees her go down, he breaks her concentration. The portal is closed before all the ghosts can go through. Two ghosts remain–but not in the house. Now they’re inside of Wyatt.

When Wyatt is awake, he is in control of his own body. When he is asleep, the ghosts take over. He woke up at his desk with a Groucho Marx eyebrows and mustache drawn on his face with permanent marker, and one time, while Jo was staying with him (to make sure that Wyatt wouldn’t draw on his face again), she woke up with bubble gum in her hair.

The prankster ghosts inside of him are children…children that don’t want to go to the other side. They like the house…but now, even they are stuck–stuck inside poor Wyatt.

Jo tries to pretend that she is normal, even though everyone else thinks she’s looney-tunes and Wyatt, who’s an uptight, all-business type of guy who doesn’t believe what is going on around him, would rather be getting his latest acquirement up and running to make more money. These two together are like oil and water…

Will Jo be able to get the ghosts out of Wyatt before the ghosts kill him? Will Wyatt ever truly believe? And, who is responsible for bringing the ghosts to the Victorian in the first place? These questions can be answered by reading the story.

I loved this book…it was a fun, quirky and easy to read story. I loved the pranks the children ghosts played on whomever happened to be close by, and the sexual tension between Wyatt and Jo left you wanting more. The author wrote the book so beautifully, I could imagine myself watching the whole thing take place. From the quirky prose to the imagery of the ghosts “playing” around inside of Wyatt, I felt like I was truly there, watching it all play out.

I give this book 5 stars!

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