Monthly Archives: September 2012

Lord Of The Mullets By A. M. Sawyer

“We need beer!” Exclaims George, the self proclaimed leader of the trio. “Billy, didn’t you get your check yet?”

The big guy to George’s right shakes his head in defeat.

“Dude, I’m on layoff, and I wasn’t there long enough to get unemployment. What about you, surely you started that new job by now!”

“I’m still in the process.” George sighs. “Basically, they haven’t got off their back sides and given me a hire date. What about you, Fred? Do you have any cash?”

Fred, trying to smooth out his wrinkled shirt, turns out his empy pockets as he looks at George.

“Nah dude, I’m broke as a joke, and I haven’t been this sober since birth! We need to find beer!”

What do you get when you cross Rednecks with Valley Girls? A crazy, action-packed novel, that’s what. Lord of the Mullets delivers all the laughs and action in one solid novel.

George, Billy and Fred are your typical bunch of Rednecks who learn the power of teamwork. Set in a magical-type land where kings, princesses, and a Wiseman live–oh, and let’s not forget the witches– the world takes on a different environment.

The witches, Sasha and Mathilda, Valley Girls from Beverly Hills, capture the king, making him talk by giving him a truth serum. They perform their magic, making things disappear and reappear at will. The king is soon relinquished as he tells the secrets of everyone in the land.

Enter George, Billy and Fred…three friends who love beer. They do everything better with beer: shoot better, drive better, love better. Of course, being Rednecks, none of them have any cash to get any beer. They should consider themselves lucky when the towns beer and alcohol are cursed, poisoned by the witches. While they really, really, REALLY want some beer, they recognize–even with their stereotypical Redneck stupidity–that drinking the beer will kill them. George, the leader, takes them on an adventure worth taking to help save the townspeople and the surrounding lands.

Through a series of tests, riddles, different lands, and the undying partnership that comes with teamwork, the three friends are able to accomplish more than what they thought they ever could. Sacrifices are made but for a good cause–the Trailer Country–and love is found at the strangest of times and places.

Will George, Billy and Fred be able to save the land? You’ll have to read this one to find out. At $0.99, you can’t go wrong.

There are chuckles on every page, a little bit of love, and the author does his best to keep us entertained with the antics of the three friends. I give this full length, funny novel 5 stars!

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Divorced, Desperate And Delicious By Christie Craig

Lacy began backing up, wishing she could reverse time. Five minutes back and she would never have answered the dad-burn phone. Five days back and she’d have never agreed to do the Christmas card photo shoot for the Pet Magazine Group. Five years back and she would have never married Peter.

Lacy Maquire is a Divorced woman, slightly on the Desperate side. Ok, a lot desperate. She hasn’t had sex in a year since she did it with her ex, Peter. Her friends, Sue and Kathy, try to convince her to let the FedEx guy have his way with her…and the vet, Eric…and the plumber…anyone that might be willing. Even her own mother tries to get her to have sex…with someone…anyone!

But Lacy can’t give it up to any man. Oh, not that these other guys aren’t good looking, but Lacy has other issues. Her mom being one of them. Her mom has been married and divorced so many times, she’s in the running to beat Elizabeth Taylor’s record. Lacy doesn’t want to end up like her mom, so she just doesn’t give up her heart to anyone. If Lacy has sex, then she will end up giving them her heart and the wedding plans will start.

Chase Kelly, officer on the lam, and running for his life, holds up in an unsuspecting citizens back yard when a dog threatens to blow his cover. When the dog’s owner comes out to investigate, she gets more than she bargained for.

That leads to the Delicious part of the title. Chase asks Lacy if he can hold up in her house as his life is in danger. The thing is, she recognizes him as the man wanted for the attempted murder of a fellow officer and stolen cocaine that was alledgedly found in his condo.  This all can’t end well…can it?

This book is a romance with lots of humour and tons of sexual tension coursing through it. Anyone with a sense of humour will get a kick out of Lacy’s mom, Karina, and of course, her friends, Kathy and Sue. Everyone is just trying to help Lacy out (you know, with her sexual problems), and that includes Chase.

I absolutely loved this book and recommend it to anyone who enjoys humour and romance.

Definitely, 5 stars!!

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That Semicolon Bitch Had To Die By Tom Conrad

We repeated those words again and again. More againing. It felt….Real. We just lay there for minutes more, wrapped in the assurednes and safety of our wardrobe.

‘So….’

‘So?’

‘So what is your favourite oxymoron?’

I looked into her eyes, right through the night time dark and then and there, deciding to keep going, to let my guard down all the more.

‘Mine is alone together, because I never feel alone when we’re together, Abigail.’

This truly is a Tom Conrad special novella. One that shouldn’t be missed.

We’ve all had those times when we weren’t sure which punctuation would best suit that piece we’ve just written. Sometimes we have to re-read it, re-edit it, only to find that it still doesn’t sound/look right. I, myself, tend to overuse the comma…oh, and the ellipsis…my favourite! So, I could identify with the main character, Frankie. He loves forward slashes/new thoughts a bit more than I do, but all-in-all, Frankie seemed like he knew what he was wanting to write, how to write it…and that he was a good guy.

Frankie meets Abbey through Twitter and instant messaging, their relationship blossoming over the weeks to include having sex/moving in together. However, just because you say you wardrobe someone doesn’t make it true. Add in the fact that two people can’t always agree on the right punctuation for a story, well…things just can’t end well.

I loved this book, and as I said in previous reviews, this is classic Tom at his best. His dark humour is present in every cheeky forward slash, every distrustful semicolon, every continuing ellipsis…and wardrobe.

Will that semicolon bitch die a most unfortunate/much deserved death? Could the semicolon and forward slash ever get along? And what’s a wardrobe got to do with it?

Ah yes, the Tom Conrad humour. You need to read this one to find out. Don’t miss this dark/but humorous take on romance, punctuation and the effects the two have on each other.

As always, 5 stars!

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When The Walls Fell (Out Of Time) By Monique Martin

Elizabeth felt a fresh wave of guilt wash over her. Simon. She’d been so angry, so caught up in trying not to think about how mad she was at him, she’d nearly forgotten how much she missed him. Not that it wasn’t his own damn fault, but still.

“I don’t understand,” Elizabeth said. “If things work the same here as they do for me…”

“Waiting comes in many ways, dear. I used to think waiting for him to leave was the worst part.”

The rest was left unsaid, but Elizabeth knew what the worst part must have been. The day he didn’t return. “I’m sorry.”

This book is the second in a series. When the book came available, I snatched it up because I enjoyed the first one. This book did not disappoint. In fact, I enjoyed this one a lot more than the first. Maybe that’s because the characters were all “real”…not some made up characters like a ‘vampire’ that she had in the first book…For the first books review, go here.

https://bethsreviewsandpromotions.wordpress.com/2012/03/05/review-out-of-time-a-paranormal-romance-by-monique-martin/

Elizabeth and Simon are very much in love, which is difficult for Simon at the best of times. He has softened when it comes to his love for Elizabeth, but he still remains the crass, quiet and aloof man he has been for so long. It’s hard to teach a man a new trick.

Elizabeth is visited by someone from the council in regards to their last “trip” back in time to 1929. Something happened in that era that changed the course of time and it needs to be rectified. That means another trip back in time…to 1909. Elizabeth tells Simon about this visitor and he wants nothing to do with it. He doesn’t think she should go back to “fix” whatever it was that needed fixing. Elizabeth and Simon end up fighting, causing Elizabeth to walk out on Simon. He’s sick with worry looking for her, but he can’t find her.

The only thing left to do is to go back in time during the next lunar eclipse. But since he still hasn’t found her yet, they end up traveling separately. Simon must find her and quickly.

When they find each other finally, Elizabeth and Simon come together, forgiving the other for all that was said. Elizabeth had to come to 1909…she had to save Simon.

While in 1909, they meet some crazy characters. Teddy is an inventor and Gerald the butler is protective of his employer, Mrs. Eldridge, a rich woman who knows more about the time travel than she lets on to everyone. Max, her nephew, falls for Elizabeth but quickly finds he’s always going to be in second place with Elizabeth. Then there is Madame Petrovka, a so-called psychic and medium who has a heart of gold (note my sarcasm there).

Part of their mission is to save the life of Victor Graham…and if they don’t, Simon could be no more. Do they save Victor’s life? What does Madame Petrovka hiding? And, do Elizabeth and Simon make it back to modern times again? And, what is it that Teddy is inventing?

You’ll have to read the book to find out.

My only beef with this book (and probably the first book as well…I don’t remember) is that the author felt the need to overuse her thesaurus. I was constantly having to write down these words so that I could look them up later. I hate that. I found her overuse of the thesaurus twaddlish (there…this is one of the words…in case you don’t know, that means “silly, or tedius talk or writing”. Please, authors…you don’t need to use these words no one has ever heard of to make yourself look as if you’re more knowledgeable than the rest of us…that’s condescending and I don’t like it.

Also, my other beef with this book is the lack of editing. There were a lot of missing words that really are distracting from the storyline. These two things together (missing words and the overuse of the thesaurus) really made for an especially great book to be poorer in my opinion.

Because of this, I’m giving the story a 4 star rating.

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