Two steps closer to him and she had closed the space, her hand sliding along his waist, the other hand touching his neck, her soft, sweet breath making him warm and ready. “You are Christian. I am Ana. Do we have any rope? A–” She unbuckled his belt and slipped it out of the loops in one seemingly-practiced snap–“whip?”
“You want me to beat you with a belt?” he asked, trying hard to keep the incredulity out of his voice.
“I want you to tease my Inner Goddess,” she hissed.
“Right.” His mind was a mix of testosterone and beer. 50 Shades of Marcia trumped 50 Shades of Football Picks, so off he went.
“I have bungee cords in the back of my Prius–will that do?”
“Whatever you want,” she answered. He could get used to this.
And, he had an idea. They needed a dumpster, but not just any dumpster. He needed a special one if they were going to play out this fantasy just right.
Ok, let me just say, this was far better than Fifty Shades of Grey. You can find my review for that book here. https://bethsreviewsandpromotions.wordpress.com/2012/05/02/fifty-shades-of-grey-by-e-l-james/
However, this book, although not perfect either, was much more palatable, and way funnier…oh, and waaaaaay shorter.
While Fifty Shades of Grey went on and on, sex scene after sex scene, and Ana having her “Inner Goddess” ruling her, Fifty Shades of Garbage was a short story that got the job done.
To make it easier, I will shorten each to 50SGrey and 50SGarbage….I’m getting 50 Shades of Tired of Writing That.
Marcia is reading 50SGrey and openly detests the book…but yet, she can’t put it down. Joe, a mild-mannered guy, who openly admits to being less than open in the sex department (Marcia usually is the initiator), actually downloaded a pirated audio copy of the book. He didn’t finish it, but he got the jist of it. He couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about. Even his very religious mother had read it, and recommended it to Marcia. What the hell was she thinking? (I’ve no idea…since I would never recommend it to anyone!)
But, when Marcia asks Joe to try something new, he goes along with it. However, the dumpster they normally have sex in just won’t do. He needs to find a special dumpster for this little romp. A red one. The Red Dumpster of Pain. (In the book, Ana called Christian’s play room, The Red Room of Pain).
“Off to the Red Dumpster of Pain with you!” he growled. Her Inner Goddess quivered and nearly exploded on the spot.
Both scrambled in quickly and Joe took one wrist, wrapped the bungee cord around it, and hooked it securely to the edge of the rusty metal wall. He was good at this–a little too, suspiciously good. In no time she was completely tied up, all four limbs connected to the metal, her skirt barely brushing against her knees, torn shirt limp and dangling around her ribs.
He slid off his gray necktie, the one with the tiny diamond pattern she had given him for his birthday a few years ago. She licked her lips as he slid it around her eyes, blindfolding her.
Now she was truly at his mercy.
She’s laying on some bags of garbage, but since the dumpster is right beside the blood bank, there’s no food or grossness in the bags…I guess it was a less stinky alternative.
Of course, Joe, never having done this before, and quite frankly, is kind of opposed to the whole idea, keeps asking her if he’s doing it right. She berates him for not being man enough, that she shouldn’t have to tell him everything. So, he takes the tie from her eyes and puts it around her mouth, gagging her.
Well, then he feels bad and takes the tie off, putting it around her eyes again. It doesn’t matter though, because she’s all steamed up and ready to go.
“My Inner Goddess is so ready for you,” she begged.
“What the hell is your Inner Goddess?” He had heard that a million times on the audio book and couldn’t figure it out.
Now, as you can imagine, yes, it happened. Not as spicily as in 50SGrey, but that’s besides the point. It happened. Maybe not the way Marcia dreamed, but still different and hot.
Of course, 50SGrey was based on Twilight fanfiction. Ok, so, this book has to have some vampires and werewolves in it. The vampires turn out to be teenagers who are trying to get into character for a play for school, and the werewolf turns out to be a psychiatrist who had a thing for Marcia.
In the end, Marcia and Joe leave the dumpster, with the bungee cords and tie, to go home. Marcia’s Inner Goddess still isn’t sated yet.
A fun read that didn’t take long and was a lot more enjoyable than 50SGrey. I got it for free, so I can’t complain. I give this book 5 stars…that’s three more than I gave that other piece of rubbish.