"Bitten" By Merrill Gemus

     Ok, we’ve all heard it before. You get what you pay for. And, since I didn’t pay for this, I’ve only myself to blame.

     Product description: When Ally becomes a newly single woman, she is determined to meet the man of her dreams. Never truly expecting it to actually occur, she is amaze to find herself drawn to a dark, mysterious stranger leaning against the bar. He was utterly irresistible.

     Despite her friends’ protests, she willingly follows him outside the bar and soon realizes that her world will never be the same again.

      Well, for a free book, I thought it sounded pretty good. And, I suppose for a free book, it was. I guess. I read it last night while I was at work on a break. It doesn’t take long. I guess you could say that I wasted my time with this one. Um, yeah, you’d be right about that. I should have realized from the spelling error in the product description that it was riddled with them. I just thought it was a typo.

     Ally rolled her eyes and headed towards the bar. What in the hell were they talking about? Peculiar? Mr. Sexy Vampire was the most luscious guy in this club. Probably in this entire city! For Pete’s sake, it’s a miracle that no other girl has even noticed him yet! Perhaps, Pam and Trish couldn’t see him well under the dim light of the bar, Ally mused. Boy, will they kick themselves tomorrow when they see him in broad daylight.

     Dashing through the dance floor, she made her way towards him. Unbelievably, the room was even more crowded than when she first arrived. For every step forward she took, it felt like she was taking two steps back. Holy cow! What was the maximum capacity in this club? Wasn’t this against regulations? It was a good thing she wasn’t claustrophobic. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally managed to get within a few feet from the bar. She looked up and gazed at Mr. Sexy Vampire. He had a faint smile on his sumptuous lips and raised his glass to them, slowly sipping his beverage. Ally sucked in an astonished breath. Oh God, the man was tempting.

     Ok, well, you can see what I’m dealing with here. Grammatical and spelling errors, and it flipped back and forth between tenses all throughout the novella. It was quite painful to read.

     Ally and her friends, Pam and Trish, are going to the Flambe club for a Halloween party. Her boyfriend text her, breaking up with her after 8 months. She decides, instead of going to the Halloween party as a cutesy Little Bo Peep as she had planned when she was going with her boyfriend, now that she was single, she decided to sass it up and go as a sexy vampire.

     The music is loud, the dancing wild. She bumps into a stranger and he keeps her from falling over. She thinks he’s gorgeous and wants to “get to know him”, if you know what I mean. But, just as she is about to say something, he turns away from her and goes to sit at the bar.

     Everyone pretty much ignores him, feeling repulsed by him. The friends don’t think he’s “all that” and the waitress stays as far away from him as possible. Ally can’t understand because she thinks he’s so hot looking.

     As she approaches the bar, he disappears from his seat. She looks for him frantically and finds him about to exit the bar through the back door. Stupidly, she follows him.

     Long story short, he goes to this other more underground bar; a secret bar, full of real vampires, banshees (really) and possibly even trolls. But, as things get tense in there, he asks her to come back to his place. Stupidly, she goes.

     They have sex and he bites her wrist. A sort of “love bite”, meaning that once he bites her, the transformation takes place. Not only that, but now that he has bitten her, they are now “mates”.

     That doesn’t go over very well with his betrothed. She finds out.

     Uh oh.

     Here is a passage that is so riddled with mistakes, it’s funny. Truly, the way it is written here is the way it is written in the book. I kid you not.

     “Geez, what is the matter with me?” she muttered. Here she was obsessively stalking this man, gaping at his buttocks and lean thighs, and yet she was not even concern about her safety or how he will feel or react once he realize that she have followed him from Flambe. Honestly, he could be a serial killer and she was just some stupid girl who was falling for his trap.

     It seemed that this book was written by a teenager. Maybe it was. Definitely this book could use the aid of an editor or, at the very least, a friend to say, “Hey, that doesn’t sound right.” It almost looks like the author wrote it down on a piece of paper, and someone just typed it the way it was written. And, it’s apparent that the author didn’t go back and re-read it and re-read it again, checking for those errors. It’s possible the author has English as a second language.

     This book also leaves you hanging at the end. There is another book (which I also “bought” for free) called, “Stolen”. Since I have it already, I will read it. But, only because I already have it. I will likely send it to the ‘archived items’ list on my Kindle.
    
     Worth the read….? No.

     I give it one star, and that’s being mighty generous.


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12 Comments

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12 responses to “"Bitten" By Merrill Gemus

  1. Oh boy. Way too many grammatical errors!

  2. Dashing through the dance floor sounds super painful- but maybe that is some sort of paranormal element that makes us think she has supernatural powers.

  3. I think this is also a great example of how sometimes even when sentences are technically correct, their structure causes them to simply sound off. And that makes for a very bumpy read!

  4. I think if anyone is going to publish, they need to first learn the technical side of writing. When I brought this up om WD, one poster said, "That's what editors are for." How naive she was. With poor spelling, grammar, typos her manuscript would never be seen by an editor. It would never pass the first reader.

  5. @Christina-The whole thing was one big editing nightmare that someone didn't want to take on. And, yes…it was a very bumpy read. I needed my seatbelt on for this one.@Evie-And, she wasn't even the vampire…LOL@Mark-That's what I'm thinkin'.@Norma-And, these people also give us Indie writer's a very bad name and reputation. It was very painful to read.

  6. DM

    omg, Beth, you got farther than I would have before I sent it up in smoke. It had lots of annoying reads to it. People who do poorly in grammar and spelling classes should hire professional writers. I thought it might be a humor book, then realized it wasn't. This is one of these, 'I'm going to make a million on my book and get it out there. It's perfect' writers.

  7. If something is littered with were and was, I see trouble. This appears to be a first draft only which most of know Hemmingway's famouse quote about our first drafts. It's SHIT!:)

  8. Oh wow I have to admit that reads like my first drafts…lol.

  9. @Donna-Well, both books are free, so he/she won't be making a million on it. However, I agree that you're right. This person needs to have someone else read it and critique it.@Shelly-You and your un-needed words…LOL@Joann-LOL

  10. Yuck! Double yuck! Awful, awful, awful!

  11. @William-Liked that one did you? It was very painful to read….

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